Swollen Eyes

It's been...a rough night.  It's been a tough week. I received a call from last week stating that my Great Aunt (to whom I was pretty close) has passed away, and that the Rottweiler I'd left behind with my family was residing at the vets kennels due to having unmanageable pain in his back legs. Yesterday, my step-father called me and asked to speak to my husband. Right there, the re-flags went up, waving madly. I knew before it was even said. They are putting my dog down. My sweet, goofy faced best friend who I cried over time and again because I missed him so much. And now I get to miss him forever. Needless to say...my heart hurts. Literal chest pain. My eyes are swollen from all the crying. And I have therapy at 9 am. All I want to do is curl up and cry, cry, cry. I wouldn't even own my two German Shepherds if I just could have had Dozer. I fully think the only reason I slept last night is because I was drugged. I took my ambien and when it hit....it hit hard. I went under pretty fast. I'm sitting here nursing a bottle of water and a caffeinated trail mix...

Here is to my baby...and his sweet smiling face. For letting me cry into his fur when I couldn't take James being deployed...for keeping me company at night for years...And for just being the best damn dog. 

Super Sad

It's just not been my week. I went from being super angry yesterday to super sad today.

See, I try not to call home a  lot, because it makes me really homesick...I've only been gone for a few months, and my logic is that if I go longer and longer without interaction, the pain will lessen. Today, though,  I was super excited about the fact that I'd found the perfect Christmas gift for my Mama.  So I sent her a text, telling her I got her a gift and she messages me back, asking why. I told her it's because she's my mama and I love her, and she responded with "I wasn't a very good one..." which is the truth, really, but I still love her none the less. Well, not knowing how to respond to her comment, I simply left the conversation off until I could get home and call her. Before I had the chance, though, she messaged me again saying "Did your grandmother tell her I had to have Baby (her 11 year old cat) put to sleep? I can't stand walking into the house anymore because he's not there...". Ya'll, this cat use to sit on the kitchen table in my moms house and say "Hello" when he heard her at the door and then "Mama" when he saw her.  I've heard him do it.  Her other cat is confused and at a loss; he doesn't know what to do without his buddy.  The worst part is the fact that my mom IS so upset and I'm too far away to do anything that could possibly help  her feel better. When I got home, I curled up on the couch and started crying; my husband ended up pulling me into his lap and just let me lay there and bawl my eyes out. I feel like CRAP and I want to go back to North Carolina so very badly right now. 

Of course, it doesn't help that tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and this is the first major holiday that I have spent away from home. =(  My heart has a really big super sad right now.