Second Post of the Day -or- PHEW!

For those of you that stumble across this post, let me hurry up and say that today was my first day heading back to the gym after several months of being sedentary. Like most people, my new years resolution was to lose a chunk of weight...and instead I just ended up giving up and packing more on before the first month of the new year had passed. After two days of using www.myfitnesspal.com to start my diet, I FINALLY worked up the courage to hit the small gym on base (We have three, two of which are currently up and functional)...and I had the WHOLE thing to myself for the duration of my workout.

Using my Polar FT7 heart rate monitor (Polar FT7 Womens Gold Heart Rate And Fitness Monitor - 90036747), I did the first day of Couch to 5k, using an ipod app. 30 minutes of huffing and puffing; Brisk 5 minute warm-up walk....then alternating 1 minute of jogging and 1 1/2 minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes before the cool down walk. I'm whooped! I seriously don't think I've sweat quite that much in my entire life without ending up in the ER!

I also used a second ipod app, "Gorilla Workout", to finish up my workout routine for the day.  4 rounds of 8 squats, 4 lunges, and 10 modified pushups. My body aches a little bit, but I feel all around GREAT.

I think it's time for me to down some more water, snack and get a shower....I'm caked in sweat...Seriously. I can feel the dried sweat on my skin. It's so nasty!

=) To cardio everyday or not to cardio every day? What do you think? Leave me a comment and let me know! I'm thinking of starting to follow the wonderful Blogilates lady, Casey, to see what I can do to my chunky monkey body!

A Dose of Fail

-_- So....Let me recap this week quickly. I've been sick. Went to the ER and was diagnosed with having a BAD virus running rampant in my body. The doctor gave me five different medications, all of which require being taken multiple times a day, spaced out properly to avoid overdose and to keep the medicine in me constantly. This means....sleep even though the drugs are making me tired! Tap in with James and I being at each others throats almost every day. This came to a head last night. We were screaming so much (Well, he was screaming, I was squeaking...I still sound like a chipmunk, but my voice is finally coming back) that one of our neighbors came over to see if she could help us out (she's super motherly), and the other ended up calling Security Forces. Mind you, SF never actually came to our house; They sat in their car across from our house, listening and watching. Thankfully, we gave them no reason to intervene.

The worst parts of this? A) My 4 month old marriage is already suffering and B) We were not mindful of our neighbors who both have small children. Now I feel like a rude putz.

Well, that basically sums this up. I suppose I should stop procrastinating (though I do it so very well) and take care of the neglected house work (I didn't realize how messy this house would get within just a few days) since my husband won't help me/do it himself. It's 9:34 AM and I haven't been to bed yet.....=\

[breathe] Just a few more days until I go back to NC for Christmas. The first thing I am going to do is go HOME and hug my sweet dog who's been pining for me.

The Talk

I don't know why it is, but any time my husband and I have serious topics that need to be discussed, we head for the shower. I guess it's because we're so much calmer, and it's pretty hard to get mad at someone when you're butt ass naked with them.
    I've been wanting to talk to my husband about something pretty important to me, so when he decided to get into the shower after work yesterday, I climbed in after him, picking my words carefully. When I asked "What do you think about me being a firefighter in the future?", he did not hesitate. James told me that he both likes and dislikes the idea. Dislike, because it's a dangerous job, we'd not be round each other that much anymore, and he'd have to step up and help with the house work. Because I'd have the more physically demanding job, he'd probably end up doing MOST of it. He did say that the extra income would be nice to have, though. We mulled things over for a while before I asked the next question; "Do you like my being a housewife?". The look on his face was priceless. It was one of those moments where he thought it was a loaded question, where I ask one thing but it really means something else. I started laughing and told him to just answer honestly, the question is what it is and I was just looking for his opinion. He loves having a housewife. he can come home after work and sit on the couch, doing practically nothing. He's spoiled, pampered and likes knowing that everything is taken care of. After telling me all of this though, he voiced one more statement on both topics; "You do what makes you happy. That's all I want. You. Happy."

     So now I'm at a loss. I WANT to be a firefighter/emt. I have for years, ever since the military denied my contract. I have so much ambition and drive....but at the same time I've got to take my husbands wants and needs into consideration. The fact that we're a military family also has to come into play. I want children soon...And I think the base fire departments are all military run. There are SO many factors that come in to play with this. I think I'm going to go to the "Airman and Family Readiness Center" and see what they might be able to help me with. If ANYONE knows the answer to the bold/underlined question, can you PLEASE send me an email at unholyxombie@gmail.com ? 

Super Sad

It's just not been my week. I went from being super angry yesterday to super sad today.

See, I try not to call home a  lot, because it makes me really homesick...I've only been gone for a few months, and my logic is that if I go longer and longer without interaction, the pain will lessen. Today, though,  I was super excited about the fact that I'd found the perfect Christmas gift for my Mama.  So I sent her a text, telling her I got her a gift and she messages me back, asking why. I told her it's because she's my mama and I love her, and she responded with "I wasn't a very good one..." which is the truth, really, but I still love her none the less. Well, not knowing how to respond to her comment, I simply left the conversation off until I could get home and call her. Before I had the chance, though, she messaged me again saying "Did your grandmother tell her I had to have Baby (her 11 year old cat) put to sleep? I can't stand walking into the house anymore because he's not there...". Ya'll, this cat use to sit on the kitchen table in my moms house and say "Hello" when he heard her at the door and then "Mama" when he saw her.  I've heard him do it.  Her other cat is confused and at a loss; he doesn't know what to do without his buddy.  The worst part is the fact that my mom IS so upset and I'm too far away to do anything that could possibly help  her feel better. When I got home, I curled up on the couch and started crying; my husband ended up pulling me into his lap and just let me lay there and bawl my eyes out. I feel like CRAP and I want to go back to North Carolina so very badly right now. 

Of course, it doesn't help that tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and this is the first major holiday that I have spent away from home. =(  My heart has a really big super sad right now.

Unacceptable.

When your wife is pissed off, you do not go down stairs and cut on the xbox and plug in your headset. When you've upset someone you care about, you're suppose to try and make the situation better, not say "There is nothing I can do about it!" and walk off. Being inconsiderate is what made me mad in the first place, repeating the offence just hammers the last nail into the coffin lid.

In the past few months, my husband has made me regret getting married more times than I can count. I don't believe in divorce unless there are outstanding circumstances, so I'm just going to have to bite the bullet and keep pressing on. I thought 20 would be an acceptable age to marry someone, after being in a relationship with them for almost five years. I was, apparently, quite wrong.

Here is to hoping that things get better. Or that I drop dead of some mysterious ailment. Whichever comes first.

Boring blog is Boring

So...this is me...brainstorming...

You can almost see my mind attempting to string to coherent

thoughts together...

I'm not really sure what to talk about on this blog =| I don't really do anything interesting, and very little happens to me these days. Ugh -_- I wish I had some ideas to spice this thing up!

My Marriage or My Dreams?

I find myself in a sticky situation. I've come to the point where I want to start getting myself back into shape, down another 35 (ish) pounds and toned...I want to strengthen my lungs & heart (I mean this literally). My reason why isn't for vain purposes like so many others I see on tumblr (I'm not bashing you ladies, I promise, I'm glad you want bodies you can be proud of). For the past three years, after I found out I couldn't enlist in the military, I decided to go to my back up plan; I'd be a firefighter, and some day be a battalion chief. But then...I got married. See, for those of you that don't know, my husband is in the military. Right now, I'm a stay at home wife. My hopes and dreams took a back seat when I moved away from home. We've got one car between the two of us. That makes finding a job pretty hard. It makes going to college even harder. Especially because I'm terrified to drive off base (Big city traffic & roads confuse me, as does getting on the highway, which I would have to do to go to the community college up here). On one hand, I'm dying inside because I'm letting myself down. On the other hand, I'm terrified to even TRY because I don't want my relationship to fall to pieces (For those of you that are all "Oh it won't. If he loves you, he'll support you, keep reading). A military relationship in itself is stressful. Tack in another high stress job with wonky hours, and you've got a recipe for disaster. All of my female friends up here (Some married with kids, some married without) know how I feel and agree that it would be a hard thing to do...And I've semi-tried to talk to my husband about it, but I need to make up my own mind first.