To Be Good or...

To be greedy? A good wife should share with her husband, right? ...But I don't want to! Let me explain; last weekend, an electrical storm struck base (Pun not intended). Because the outlets in base housing are not grounded (A fact that we didn't know), our surge protector took one heck of a hit; Xbox, router, modem and my husbands laptop power supply all ended up fried. After replacing the router (A whopping 120$), we just don't have the money to replace James's power supply. So naturally, he wants to share my computer. He gets two hours, I get two hours. Now, I'm sure this sounds reasonable. Except...I'm using my computer and don't much feel like giving it up just because he wants to play a video game (We're competing to see who levels faster and generally does better). It's not my fault his power supply got fried (He never unplugs his computer), so why should I take a chunk of what I view as punishment just so he can enjoy himself? Am I not allowed to have fun too?

Naturally, my husband is sulking...And it's actually making me pretty mad, to be honest. The more childish he acts, the less inclined I am to share with him. I suppose I should let the little baby have his turn, just to pacify him, but I also give up things I want/need so that he can get his R/C helicopters, fireworks, etc. He buys new clothes, I go to the Airmans attic and look for free stuff....But I digress (again). I'm being greedy and selfish. I know it's wrong but goodness...It's like he expects me to just roll over and let him take my computer from me.

A Shocking Development

Last night was the first evening I've cooked dinner in a few weeks (-_- I fail so hard at being a house wife sometimes) what with being on vacation and having little to no motivation. Yesterday was ALSO the first official day of my new diet. So I decided to crack open a "Hungry Girl" cookbook and set to work...

And you know what? The meal turned out REALLY well. Like...I wanted to make it again today. What I made was the "Cheesy Burger Skillet", except I ended up replacing the meatless burger with turkey burger, because our commissary isn't too well stocked on healthy options (and they wonder why their soldiers are overweight...). The meal was a whopping 439 calories. That's right. Less than 500 calories. I had enough leftover to go and eat ice cream! YAY!

Today is another day, though, and I find myself struggling. I'm so hungry...I want to eat everything, and sadly there isn't much in the house that won't put me over my calorie allotment. I need NOMS. >_<

Back =)

It's so weird....I feel like my personality has done a bit of a 180 since vacation. I'm happy...HAPPY. That's so freakin' weird for me to be able to say. Without the help of medications, I actually feel BETTER. I really hope this isn't just an episode....that it lasts =)

Tuesday, I attended a pre-diabetes clinic. The instructors and group were all very nice; almost everyone has some serious age on me though! As of now, I'm on a 1200 calorie diet to see if I can't get some of this weight off. I'm five foot six and 172 pounds.... (  .  )    ) . (   I'm going to start trying to cook more, so there are bound to be more recipes here soon!

In other news, the husband and I were able to purchase a California King pillow top mattress, waterproof pillowtop cover, bed frame and boxspring for right at 500$. The bed is less than 2 1/2 years old. It's AMAZING. SO big and comfy. It's so easy to fall asleep!

=D Time for me to get off here (for now). I need to tidy the house then wake the husband up and take him back to work. I've got therapy today...and I'm probably in a bit of trouble because I didn't do any of my homework....O_0 Whoops.

Well I'll Be!

A few days ago, my husband and I returned to our hometown on vacation. And we've discovered that instead of playing different games...we enjoy playing the same one. And now we have something to do together and another topic to openly discuss =)

You want to WHAT?! (F-bombs and anger)

Welp, my give a damn is pretty fully broken at the moment. My husband came home and decided to ask me if he could have a guys day and go to Bush Gardens. I said no, he kept arguing. Sure, the tickets are free, but the food and drink isn't. Neither is the gas. And it's a GROUP outing, not just a 'guys night'. Nah babe, fuck you, thanks for the invite! I can't go, because we have two dogs that can't be kept in their crates all day, and because I'm about to be pissing blood (Sorry...that was graphic) due to being menstrual female. Pissed off and highly offended (He tried to buy me off by offering to get me my camera...which we can't fucking afford), I decided to just go crawl back into the bed. 10 minutes later, he comes up and says "I don't want to go without you...", tells me he loves me and asks for a kiss. No. If he 'didn't want to go without me' he wouldn't have asked in the fucking first place. And right now I'm so mad that the word love isn't in my vocabulary. He's got me so mad that I can't stand it. I just want to break stuff and cry. I've never been so butt-hurt. What on earth was he thinking?! Nah, it's fine. He can go and have fun with a group of our friends and I'll just fucking stay at home all day. Not like we needed to save the money because we're A) Going home to NC next week and B) Closing in on our 1 year anniversary. Nah, it's ALL fine. It's okay to do stuff/buy things when he wants to, but every time I want something, I've got to wait, save up for it or flat out just get told no. I'm done trying to have control today, I'm just going to let the BPD own me and that's all there is to it. I TRIED to get myself back to a good place and he just came along and dunked all over my efforts. FUCK that.

Weeee!

So...it's one of those mornings where I'm finding it very difficult to bounce back from a depressed state of mind. I have no reason to be upset (Other than the fact that my camera broke yesterday and I can't afford a replacement). My husband took me out to an amazing restaurant last night (Ted's Montana Grill); We had an amazing meal and ended up laughing a lot. But for some reason, I'm in a deep blue funk today and can't seem to get myself feeling better. I've got my DBT skills book beside me and homework from the therapist to do, but along with the depression comes the inability to focus on much of anything. AAAAAAAAAAAA! I feel like screaming and ripping my hair out!

Just...What?

Life is really enjoying slinging curve balls at me. I've been pretty unstable as far as BPD episodes go over the past few days, and then i get a call last night from home (Oh joy...) that my cousins have been taken away from their parents because...dundundun...their parents have been arrested. I won't go in to the long list of charges (Oh yea, it's that bad). Now, my 14 year old cousin is posting all over facebook about it, begging for money (Her dads bond is 100,000, her moms is 25,000) and putting up their mugshots. Oh dear lord. What a mess. No one knows who is going to get custody of the kids (I'm voting foster care, because that would be the BEST option), and my Grandparents are so stressed out that it's making them ill.

So...that's bad news, three weeks in a row. The good news? Today was my husbands re-enlistment. He was able to have the ceremony in front of the 'first-heli' squadron, in their hanger. And then...cake. Nom! That's six more years of military life! And, because my camera broke, my husband made a deal with me; I can have a new camera, if he can get a new quad-copter. Woot! Now I just need to decide what camera to get...

That's pretty much all I have to talk about right now as far as personal life goes...Hm...I feel like I didn't say very much at all!