Just...What?

Life is really enjoying slinging curve balls at me. I've been pretty unstable as far as BPD episodes go over the past few days, and then i get a call last night from home (Oh joy...) that my cousins have been taken away from their parents because...dundundun...their parents have been arrested. I won't go in to the long list of charges (Oh yea, it's that bad). Now, my 14 year old cousin is posting all over facebook about it, begging for money (Her dads bond is 100,000, her moms is 25,000) and putting up their mugshots. Oh dear lord. What a mess. No one knows who is going to get custody of the kids (I'm voting foster care, because that would be the BEST option), and my Grandparents are so stressed out that it's making them ill.

So...that's bad news, three weeks in a row. The good news? Today was my husbands re-enlistment. He was able to have the ceremony in front of the 'first-heli' squadron, in their hanger. And then...cake. Nom! That's six more years of military life! And, because my camera broke, my husband made a deal with me; I can have a new camera, if he can get a new quad-copter. Woot! Now I just need to decide what camera to get...

That's pretty much all I have to talk about right now as far as personal life goes...Hm...I feel like I didn't say very much at all!

A Dose of Fail

-_- So....Let me recap this week quickly. I've been sick. Went to the ER and was diagnosed with having a BAD virus running rampant in my body. The doctor gave me five different medications, all of which require being taken multiple times a day, spaced out properly to avoid overdose and to keep the medicine in me constantly. This means....sleep even though the drugs are making me tired! Tap in with James and I being at each others throats almost every day. This came to a head last night. We were screaming so much (Well, he was screaming, I was squeaking...I still sound like a chipmunk, but my voice is finally coming back) that one of our neighbors came over to see if she could help us out (she's super motherly), and the other ended up calling Security Forces. Mind you, SF never actually came to our house; They sat in their car across from our house, listening and watching. Thankfully, we gave them no reason to intervene.

The worst parts of this? A) My 4 month old marriage is already suffering and B) We were not mindful of our neighbors who both have small children. Now I feel like a rude putz.

Well, that basically sums this up. I suppose I should stop procrastinating (though I do it so very well) and take care of the neglected house work (I didn't realize how messy this house would get within just a few days) since my husband won't help me/do it himself. It's 9:34 AM and I haven't been to bed yet.....=\

[breathe] Just a few more days until I go back to NC for Christmas. The first thing I am going to do is go HOME and hug my sweet dog who's been pining for me.

Love & Hate

Yesterday sucked. I’ve quite possibly got pneumonia, and my husband comes home from work and what do we do? Automatically start bickering. This exploded into a huge fight…and ended up with both of us in tears. After things settled down and we went to sleep for the night (We did not and will not talk about yesterday), he mumbled “Can you hold me?” So I did, until he fell asleep. After that, I rolled over to read my kindle…and next thing I know, he’s got both arms around me and his head on my boobs. What a dork. We might hate each other some days…but we’ll always love each other. 

Crap.

I'm sick as a dog, and there are things that need to be taken care of around the house. I haven't had a decent amount of sleep in quite a few days. >=( I've managed to take care of cleaning up downstairs. Now I'm just attempting to find the energy to get the laundry started so that my husband can have some clean clothes to wear after work. The sad thing is, I've completely lost my appetite, so the energy I need? Yea, it doesn't exist. I'm just happy to be sitting upright at the moment.

Why is it so hard to make a doctors appointment on this base? Blegh. There are several things that I want to speak to a doctor about. I think I'm just going to wait until I go home in 14 days...My doctor back in NC takes walk-ins every single morning between 5 & 7. WHY isn't there a doctor like that here? Being sick has made me miss home so much more than I ever thought possible. It sucks. For as eager as I was to get away from my family, I now find myself filled with regret.

Anyway, I guess I'm going to try and get some more housework done...then I'm going to join my puppy for a nap (I made the bed earlier, and her little butt jumped right up and fell asleep against the stack of pillows).

The Talk

I don't know why it is, but any time my husband and I have serious topics that need to be discussed, we head for the shower. I guess it's because we're so much calmer, and it's pretty hard to get mad at someone when you're butt ass naked with them.
    I've been wanting to talk to my husband about something pretty important to me, so when he decided to get into the shower after work yesterday, I climbed in after him, picking my words carefully. When I asked "What do you think about me being a firefighter in the future?", he did not hesitate. James told me that he both likes and dislikes the idea. Dislike, because it's a dangerous job, we'd not be round each other that much anymore, and he'd have to step up and help with the house work. Because I'd have the more physically demanding job, he'd probably end up doing MOST of it. He did say that the extra income would be nice to have, though. We mulled things over for a while before I asked the next question; "Do you like my being a housewife?". The look on his face was priceless. It was one of those moments where he thought it was a loaded question, where I ask one thing but it really means something else. I started laughing and told him to just answer honestly, the question is what it is and I was just looking for his opinion. He loves having a housewife. he can come home after work and sit on the couch, doing practically nothing. He's spoiled, pampered and likes knowing that everything is taken care of. After telling me all of this though, he voiced one more statement on both topics; "You do what makes you happy. That's all I want. You. Happy."

     So now I'm at a loss. I WANT to be a firefighter/emt. I have for years, ever since the military denied my contract. I have so much ambition and drive....but at the same time I've got to take my husbands wants and needs into consideration. The fact that we're a military family also has to come into play. I want children soon...And I think the base fire departments are all military run. There are SO many factors that come in to play with this. I think I'm going to go to the "Airman and Family Readiness Center" and see what they might be able to help me with. If ANYONE knows the answer to the bold/underlined question, can you PLEASE send me an email at unholyxombie@gmail.com ? 

Fail!

Last night, my husband and I ran our friends off so that we could spend the rest of the evening cleaning up the house. We climbed into bed a little before 9pm and lay here watching movies and playing video games. Well, I was pretty sleepy....or so I thought. T_T I didn't fall asleep into almost 5 this morning, even with only getting around 5 hours of sleep the night before. GAH! So of course I didn't get out of the bed until almost two this afternoon, which means I won't be sleeping again tonight. I might as well take down a few energy drinks and stay up for twenty four hours.

In other news, as I was leaving to go do another day of "Couch to 5k", the UPS man pulls onto our street. I froze; cue the instant deer in the headlights look. He pulls around in front of our house...and stops! So I took off at a dead run for the house. And sure enough, there it was, perfectly balanced on top of the trash can lid...The Kindle Touch that my husband ordered for me as a Christmas present. Oh my god I could scream in delight. So I took the package inside and put it down on the coffee table...because of course, I've been forbidden to open it until Christmas, but STILL! It's HERE! After spending a few minutes squealing in absolute delight, I locked the house back up and took the pup out for exercise....and found that today didn't take as much of a toll on my body. After one day? Really? It must just be my state of mind. I feel GREAT right now, though!

This means that tomorrow is a down day, and that actually makes me a little

sad =( 

On the first half of our little jaunt, Leia and I were stopped by two guys that work for the base's Housing Maintenance. They inquired about my puppy, asking about the breed (even though it's painfully obvious), wanted to know if she was full blooded (I almost said Pure Blood....too much Harry Potter for me...), and how much we paid for her. Then they cooed over the puppy. She ate up the attention like she's starving for it.

Anon Hate

So apparently because I play Runescape, I'm fat.
Because I haven't posted pictures of my husband and myself on Tumblr, apparently I'm lying that about being married.
Because I won't post pictures of myself, I must be ugly.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY? REALLY?!
[end mini-rant]

Anyway, I just started doing "Couch to 5k" today. I'm super tired and my lungs/head sorta hurt, but that's alright, because I actually feel GREAT. I took our puppy with me, and she really seemed happy to be jogging. It was funny, because on the way back to the house, a K-9 security forces unit drove by and their dog went crazy barking at Leia, and my little princess of a pup just looked at the car like "What the fuck is your problem, you 'jelly' or something?" it was so funny.

Dear Husband

I am your wife, not your mother. It is not my job to clean up after you. Yes, I'm a stay at home wife, but that does not mean you are allowed to leave trash all over the place. It's not alright to leave the back door wide open so that the puppy can come and go as she please. You need to stop falling asleep on the couch with said door flung wide open. We've had this conversation repeatedly, and every time you say "I'm trying" but I don't see it. I'm not picking up after you anymore. Not your dirty clothes that you leave all over the place, or the trash. I am not, and will not touch another mess that you make. I love you, but sometimes I want to strangle you.

My Marriage or My Dreams?

I find myself in a sticky situation. I've come to the point where I want to start getting myself back into shape, down another 35 (ish) pounds and toned...I want to strengthen my lungs & heart (I mean this literally). My reason why isn't for vain purposes like so many others I see on tumblr (I'm not bashing you ladies, I promise, I'm glad you want bodies you can be proud of). For the past three years, after I found out I couldn't enlist in the military, I decided to go to my back up plan; I'd be a firefighter, and some day be a battalion chief. But then...I got married. See, for those of you that don't know, my husband is in the military. Right now, I'm a stay at home wife. My hopes and dreams took a back seat when I moved away from home. We've got one car between the two of us. That makes finding a job pretty hard. It makes going to college even harder. Especially because I'm terrified to drive off base (Big city traffic & roads confuse me, as does getting on the highway, which I would have to do to go to the community college up here). On one hand, I'm dying inside because I'm letting myself down. On the other hand, I'm terrified to even TRY because I don't want my relationship to fall to pieces (For those of you that are all "Oh it won't. If he loves you, he'll support you, keep reading). A military relationship in itself is stressful. Tack in another high stress job with wonky hours, and you've got a recipe for disaster. All of my female friends up here (Some married with kids, some married without) know how I feel and agree that it would be a hard thing to do...And I've semi-tried to talk to my husband about it, but I need to make up my own mind first. 

I just wanted to state one simple thing before I start my day;
The sound of Air Force One doing engine checks & then taking off drowns out my tv & the loud whir of our A/C unit. Don't get me wrong though; I quite enjoy the sounds of massive planes (and helicopters) taking off and landing. I always have. In a way, it helps me feel not quite so homesick. See, my Grandfather flew helicopters & planes in the Army, and every time I see one here  on base, smile a little and think of him.

My husband thinks I'm silly; I always get so excited when I see planes or helicopters. He, of course, is quite use t seeing them this point, having been in the military for several years now. I guess that, eventually, my excitement will wear off.

P.S. I never really realized how big the Presidential Plane really is...lord have mercy that thing is massive.