Yuck

So today I wanted to share this with you. See that disaster? That is all the laundry that I've left un-done for the past several weeks. My 'give-a-damn' was jammed in the off position, but with some help from both my husband and my therapist, I've managed to switch it back on. So today I'm going to spend the day curled up on the couch, watching Doctor Who between loads of ...that...evil mess.

I'd also like to inform the general reading public that I finally had a manic-break down this morning after not being able to fall asleep. 48 hours of being awake sorta sucks and I finally lost my temper and started punching the wall. It took a good 45 minutes for me to reign myself back in. And of course my being awake a fussy effected the hubs..my noise, tossing and turning and general bad mood woke him. And in the end, karma bit my in the rump; Something, and I'm almost certain it was my birth-control, made me sick to my stomach. I'll just say...that I ended up hugging the toilet and leave it at that. Anyway, I ended up falling asleep AFTER James left for work, and not getting out of the bed until he came back on lunch-break. Ugh. Now I'm up, on my feet and feeling much better!

Beware of time jumps and randomness...

Because this post is going to be full of them. It's going to be VERY disjointed...and I'm sorry for that.

It's around 3:09 pm...and I'm back at the computer. Yet again, I found myself on facebook, going over everything that had been posted over the last little bit of time. And during my little jaunt onto my favorite social-networking site, I decided to update my status. In the densely worded update, I informed my 160 friends/family that I'm currently feeling guilty over not having a job, and that I wish to become employed again. The cold hard fact though is that I will be unsuccessful; I need a part-time employer that is willing to work around my hectic therapy schedule. I'm currently on suicide-watch (No shutting myself in the bathroom, therapy every week, having to be medicated by my husband because I can't be trusted with pills) and that makes this even harder. I'm starting to stress as we speak and my mood is taking a nose dive. Luckily, with the skills I've been learning in therapy, I haven't yet reached a manic state, nor have I lost control and started bawling/self-harming. I WISH I could find a job that would allow me to work from home. That..in itself, would be the most ideal. AAAAAAA! I feel like ripping my hair out. And the thing is...I don't HAVE to work. My husband would like for me to get a job, and it would help a great deal, but his pay supports us very easily. And I'd only be working for a year (My husband and I plan on having a baby next year, and I'll be a stay at home mom). 

Now that I've sat here and vented, I think it's time I get back to cleaning...I haven't even finished tidying up, let alone starting the laundry. It's going to be a LONG night for me. I'm sure to work on this post again later, perhaps after dinner or if/when I start losing control. 

3:33 pm...Guess what? I told you I was going to leave my computer, and I haven't. Yeesh! I've started looking up "AdSense" and whatnot, and I'm seriously thinking about using it (Eventually). I'm also sitting here gazing at one of the cutest faces in the world (Xaphan, who is flopped at my feet, napping the day away).