My Marriage or My Dreams?

I find myself in a sticky situation. I've come to the point where I want to start getting myself back into shape, down another 35 (ish) pounds and toned...I want to strengthen my lungs & heart (I mean this literally). My reason why isn't for vain purposes like so many others I see on tumblr (I'm not bashing you ladies, I promise, I'm glad you want bodies you can be proud of). For the past three years, after I found out I couldn't enlist in the military, I decided to go to my back up plan; I'd be a firefighter, and some day be a battalion chief. But then...I got married. See, for those of you that don't know, my husband is in the military. Right now, I'm a stay at home wife. My hopes and dreams took a back seat when I moved away from home. We've got one car between the two of us. That makes finding a job pretty hard. It makes going to college even harder. Especially because I'm terrified to drive off base (Big city traffic & roads confuse me, as does getting on the highway, which I would have to do to go to the community college up here). On one hand, I'm dying inside because I'm letting myself down. On the other hand, I'm terrified to even TRY because I don't want my relationship to fall to pieces (For those of you that are all "Oh it won't. If he loves you, he'll support you, keep reading). A military relationship in itself is stressful. Tack in another high stress job with wonky hours, and you've got a recipe for disaster. All of my female friends up here (Some married with kids, some married without) know how I feel and agree that it would be a hard thing to do...And I've semi-tried to talk to my husband about it, but I need to make up my own mind first. 

I just wanted to state one simple thing before I start my day;
The sound of Air Force One doing engine checks & then taking off drowns out my tv & the loud whir of our A/C unit. Don't get me wrong though; I quite enjoy the sounds of massive planes (and helicopters) taking off and landing. I always have. In a way, it helps me feel not quite so homesick. See, my Grandfather flew helicopters & planes in the Army, and every time I see one here  on base, smile a little and think of him.

My husband thinks I'm silly; I always get so excited when I see planes or helicopters. He, of course, is quite use t seeing them this point, having been in the military for several years now. I guess that, eventually, my excitement will wear off.

P.S. I never really realized how big the Presidential Plane really is...lord have mercy that thing is massive.

Hateful

"Thanks for reminding me of the terms of my lease agreement. Would you like a brownie?" Go ahead, take one. Their made of expensive chocolate...and parasitic dog poo. After all, you deserve it, for ratting my husband and I out to the base housing office for having guests stay with us. Dear neighbor, is it that you're jealous that I'm ten years younger than you and I can live my life freely because I didn't have kids young? Is it that you're made because I'm not as heavily built as you? Are you mad because we have friends over two times or so a week? If we're just being too loud, you can come over and say something, and as long as you do it respectfully, we'll comply. I'm sorry if we've upset you somehow...we're young, after all, and this is the first time we've been with each other longer than a week in several years...we like having fun...you should come over and say hi sometime.


Oh I am REALLY pissed, ladies & gents. In case you can't tell, I received an email from base housing this afternoon, stating that my husband and I were in violation of our lease. That's right. Now you might be wondering (but probably not) what we did to get ourselves in trouble. See, my husband and I invited his friend (a fellow military member) & the guys girlfriend to stay with us. It was better then the two of them trying to stay in the fella's dorm room, after all. However, because the duo stayed with us longer then one night and we failed to tell the housing office, we are in violation of our lease and are now at risk of being evicted. So now we have to run the couple off. Their only option is to get a hotel room or try and stay in the dorm again and hope that they don't get caught.


See if I ever try to do something nice for someone ever again. Thanks world, for turning me into a bitter bitch. 

Hatred is simple...

Getting along with someone, however, is the hard part.

The last few months have been a whirl-wind of insanity. No...more like a hurricane. Good and intense. See, I've been in a relationship with a certain individual for a little over four and a half years now. It's been up...and down. Mostly down, though. We don't get a long sometimes, and fight a lot. But that's alright...because it's just how both of us operate. See, both of us were brought up in dysfunctional families....and you know what they say..."You love in the way that you are taught to love..." And in my family, love=hate...

Anyway, this person that I'm with...is in the military. He enlisted in 2008, a year and a half after we started dating...so we've been in a long distance relationship since then. Earlier this year, he was deployed...and when he came back, we decided to try and find a place where we could live...Er...wait...let me try that one again...

                             That plan failed. I'm more from the country and moving into the big ol' city scared me so damn bad. So rather than live out in DC...my boyfriend & I decided..."Fuck it, let's get married and live on base..."

And that's how my marriage started. And ever since then...through the process of moving up here, getting our house on base and acquiring junk to put in said house....we've had so many fights and arguments that it's made me....feel right at home. Our relationship is just how it's always been, and to me, that's a good thing.
Why is it, though, that being so mad at him is  so easy?