The Talk

I don't know why it is, but any time my husband and I have serious topics that need to be discussed, we head for the shower. I guess it's because we're so much calmer, and it's pretty hard to get mad at someone when you're butt ass naked with them.
    I've been wanting to talk to my husband about something pretty important to me, so when he decided to get into the shower after work yesterday, I climbed in after him, picking my words carefully. When I asked "What do you think about me being a firefighter in the future?", he did not hesitate. James told me that he both likes and dislikes the idea. Dislike, because it's a dangerous job, we'd not be round each other that much anymore, and he'd have to step up and help with the house work. Because I'd have the more physically demanding job, he'd probably end up doing MOST of it. He did say that the extra income would be nice to have, though. We mulled things over for a while before I asked the next question; "Do you like my being a housewife?". The look on his face was priceless. It was one of those moments where he thought it was a loaded question, where I ask one thing but it really means something else. I started laughing and told him to just answer honestly, the question is what it is and I was just looking for his opinion. He loves having a housewife. he can come home after work and sit on the couch, doing practically nothing. He's spoiled, pampered and likes knowing that everything is taken care of. After telling me all of this though, he voiced one more statement on both topics; "You do what makes you happy. That's all I want. You. Happy."

     So now I'm at a loss. I WANT to be a firefighter/emt. I have for years, ever since the military denied my contract. I have so much ambition and drive....but at the same time I've got to take my husbands wants and needs into consideration. The fact that we're a military family also has to come into play. I want children soon...And I think the base fire departments are all military run. There are SO many factors that come in to play with this. I think I'm going to go to the "Airman and Family Readiness Center" and see what they might be able to help me with. If ANYONE knows the answer to the bold/underlined question, can you PLEASE send me an email at unholyxombie@gmail.com ? 

My Marriage or My Dreams?

I find myself in a sticky situation. I've come to the point where I want to start getting myself back into shape, down another 35 (ish) pounds and toned...I want to strengthen my lungs & heart (I mean this literally). My reason why isn't for vain purposes like so many others I see on tumblr (I'm not bashing you ladies, I promise, I'm glad you want bodies you can be proud of). For the past three years, after I found out I couldn't enlist in the military, I decided to go to my back up plan; I'd be a firefighter, and some day be a battalion chief. But then...I got married. See, for those of you that don't know, my husband is in the military. Right now, I'm a stay at home wife. My hopes and dreams took a back seat when I moved away from home. We've got one car between the two of us. That makes finding a job pretty hard. It makes going to college even harder. Especially because I'm terrified to drive off base (Big city traffic & roads confuse me, as does getting on the highway, which I would have to do to go to the community college up here). On one hand, I'm dying inside because I'm letting myself down. On the other hand, I'm terrified to even TRY because I don't want my relationship to fall to pieces (For those of you that are all "Oh it won't. If he loves you, he'll support you, keep reading). A military relationship in itself is stressful. Tack in another high stress job with wonky hours, and you've got a recipe for disaster. All of my female friends up here (Some married with kids, some married without) know how I feel and agree that it would be a hard thing to do...And I've semi-tried to talk to my husband about it, but I need to make up my own mind first. 

Hateful

"Thanks for reminding me of the terms of my lease agreement. Would you like a brownie?" Go ahead, take one. Their made of expensive chocolate...and parasitic dog poo. After all, you deserve it, for ratting my husband and I out to the base housing office for having guests stay with us. Dear neighbor, is it that you're jealous that I'm ten years younger than you and I can live my life freely because I didn't have kids young? Is it that you're made because I'm not as heavily built as you? Are you mad because we have friends over two times or so a week? If we're just being too loud, you can come over and say something, and as long as you do it respectfully, we'll comply. I'm sorry if we've upset you somehow...we're young, after all, and this is the first time we've been with each other longer than a week in several years...we like having fun...you should come over and say hi sometime.


Oh I am REALLY pissed, ladies & gents. In case you can't tell, I received an email from base housing this afternoon, stating that my husband and I were in violation of our lease. That's right. Now you might be wondering (but probably not) what we did to get ourselves in trouble. See, my husband and I invited his friend (a fellow military member) & the guys girlfriend to stay with us. It was better then the two of them trying to stay in the fella's dorm room, after all. However, because the duo stayed with us longer then one night and we failed to tell the housing office, we are in violation of our lease and are now at risk of being evicted. So now we have to run the couple off. Their only option is to get a hotel room or try and stay in the dorm again and hope that they don't get caught.


See if I ever try to do something nice for someone ever again. Thanks world, for turning me into a bitter bitch. 

Hatred is simple...

Getting along with someone, however, is the hard part.

The last few months have been a whirl-wind of insanity. No...more like a hurricane. Good and intense. See, I've been in a relationship with a certain individual for a little over four and a half years now. It's been up...and down. Mostly down, though. We don't get a long sometimes, and fight a lot. But that's alright...because it's just how both of us operate. See, both of us were brought up in dysfunctional families....and you know what they say..."You love in the way that you are taught to love..." And in my family, love=hate...

Anyway, this person that I'm with...is in the military. He enlisted in 2008, a year and a half after we started dating...so we've been in a long distance relationship since then. Earlier this year, he was deployed...and when he came back, we decided to try and find a place where we could live...Er...wait...let me try that one again...

                             That plan failed. I'm more from the country and moving into the big ol' city scared me so damn bad. So rather than live out in DC...my boyfriend & I decided..."Fuck it, let's get married and live on base..."

And that's how my marriage started. And ever since then...through the process of moving up here, getting our house on base and acquiring junk to put in said house....we've had so many fights and arguments that it's made me....feel right at home. Our relationship is just how it's always been, and to me, that's a good thing.
Why is it, though, that being so mad at him is  so easy?