EEEEEEKKKK!!!

Oh please oh please oh pleae oh please lord let us get this PCS to Virginia....oh please oh please oh pleaseeeeeeee!!! 4 years in Virginia in an actual house, 30 minutes from DC....oh please oh pleaseeeeeeeee!!!

Okay, so I can't remember the place, but my husband volunteered us to PCS to somewhere in Virginia, 45 minutes from where we are now and I'm praying super hard that we get it. I want to move soooo bad! We won't be on an actual military base.....GAH I JUST WANNA GET OFF THIS BASE AND OUT OF THIS BAD AREA!!!

I'm so giddy with excitement...

And also....I get to travel home to NC =D We're going back to have the car inspected, so I'll be in my hometown for a few days!

Early Morning Foulness

Can I quit? No? Well darn! I've got therapy this morning at 9, and I really.....really.....REALLY don't want to go. I'm exhausted, ill at ease, a little weepy...Okay, maybe I do need to go =/ It's 7:44am and therapy is at 9, so I've got a few things to take care of before then (Like showering...and brushing my teeth...and finding clothes that fit....and letting the puppies out to pee....One of which is standing right beside me with her nose up on the keyboard...). Great fun. I'd rather sit here all day and complain that I'm tired...
Mean thoughts: (And yes, I know this is coming way out of left field, please don't judge me too harshly). I woke up, took my husband to work ( =D Drove the sports car in my PJs... totally awesome!) and then came back to fetch breakfast. And I'm sure I'm not alone in the fact that I logged on to facebook while enjoying my cereal! Anyway, I noticed that my 'friend' (Long story...she's more like an enemy...I'm just going to leave it at that instead of boring you with the details of teenage squabbles) had posted a status update containing the phrase "I WILL be getting back in to shape this year!" and the first thing that popped into my head was?...I'm so ashamed....it's mean..."Shape? Round? You've never had a shape other than round! What do you mean 'Get back in to shape'?" Needless to say, I recognized the bitch horns had decided to start showing. Of COURSE I didn't actually type a response to her (I'm not heartless). And then I realized "Hey, that's a bit of an unbalanced thought there....check it." So now I'm sitting here breaking down the thought and what not like I was taught to do in...oh wait...therapy >_>. Anyway, what I've come up with so far is....I'm just jealous that shes younger than me and has a kid. The more balanced thought: Everyone has a right to try and get in shape. Stop being a biatch =P

I really should get off the internet...hrmmm.....

Later!! x~Jessica

A recipe!

Tonight was another "Hungry Girl" meal night! Because my husband went out to eat, I decided 'Hey, that doesn't mean I have to give up on the meal I'd planned to cook'! So I just went on ahead and made a "Hola Breakfast Tostada"....and let me tell ya, it was WONDERFUL. The recipe bellow came straight out of the Hungry Girl "300 under 300" book :D

Ingredients:
1 medium/large high fiber tortilla(About 110 calories)
1/4 cup diced red and green bell peppers
2 tablespoons diced onion
1/2 cup fat free liquid egg substitute

1 tablespoon precooked real crumbled bacon
2 tablespoons shredded fat free cheddar cheese

Optional: Hot sauce, fat free sour cream, salsa

Directions:
Preheat oven to 375*
Place tortilla on a baking sheet sprayed with nonstick spray. Bake in the oven until slightly crispy, about 5 minutes per side. Transfer to a plate and set aside. 

Bring a large skillet sprayed with nonstick spray to medium high heat on the stove. Add peppers and onion and, stirring occasionally, cook until slightly softened, about 3 minutes.
Add egg substitute and bacon to the skillet. If you like, add a few dashes of hot sauce. Scramble until egg substitute is fully cooked, about 3 minutes.
Top the baked tortilla with scrambled egg mixture and sprinkle with cheese. If you like, add optional toppings.

Very quick and easy with minimal clean up! I haven't added my total calories for this meal, so I can't really insert it here, and because I haven't replace my camera I can't provide a picture =(

RAWR -or- Sunday Aggravation

Several hours back, my husband left to go watch the new Batman movie with friends. I decided to not go, thinking he'd be back shortly to spend the rest of the day with me (Our usual Sunday tradition). I thought 'Hey, you had a BPD breakdown yesterday, why not let the fella go out and have a guys night?!'. Turns out, after the movie (which was the ONLY thing we agreed he was to do) James and his friends went to eat. And NOW, instead of spending time with me, he's bringing his friends back HERE to play Dungeons and Dragons. I'm so irritated. I want to start screaming and throw a tantrum because things aren't going my way and I'm feeling neglected. I'll end up spending the rest of the night upstairs in the bedroom just so I don't lose what little self control I have. I don't understand why I'm reacting to strongly to this situation, but I am...

Blogilates

Yay for trying something new today =) Rather than rely strictly on the Gorilla Workout App, I decided to give Blogilates a try and I found it....difficult, yet satisfying.
In 45 minutes, I completed:
http://blogilates.com/stretching
http://blogilates.com/butt (Butt Blaster video, 25 minutes)
http://blogilates.com/stretching (Yes, a second time, as a cool down)
For this set, I burnt 278 calories, and learned that I REALLY need to clean the bedroom floor....it's caked in dog hair and now so am I!

I seriously advise giving www.blogilates.com a look!

Second Post of the Day -or- PHEW!

For those of you that stumble across this post, let me hurry up and say that today was my first day heading back to the gym after several months of being sedentary. Like most people, my new years resolution was to lose a chunk of weight...and instead I just ended up giving up and packing more on before the first month of the new year had passed. After two days of using www.myfitnesspal.com to start my diet, I FINALLY worked up the courage to hit the small gym on base (We have three, two of which are currently up and functional)...and I had the WHOLE thing to myself for the duration of my workout.

Using my Polar FT7 heart rate monitor (Polar FT7 Womens Gold Heart Rate And Fitness Monitor - 90036747), I did the first day of Couch to 5k, using an ipod app. 30 minutes of huffing and puffing; Brisk 5 minute warm-up walk....then alternating 1 minute of jogging and 1 1/2 minutes of walking for a total of 20 minutes before the cool down walk. I'm whooped! I seriously don't think I've sweat quite that much in my entire life without ending up in the ER!

I also used a second ipod app, "Gorilla Workout", to finish up my workout routine for the day.  4 rounds of 8 squats, 4 lunges, and 10 modified pushups. My body aches a little bit, but I feel all around GREAT.

I think it's time for me to down some more water, snack and get a shower....I'm caked in sweat...Seriously. I can feel the dried sweat on my skin. It's so nasty!

=) To cardio everyday or not to cardio every day? What do you think? Leave me a comment and let me know! I'm thinking of starting to follow the wonderful Blogilates lady, Casey, to see what I can do to my chunky monkey body!

In the fridge -Or- A little slice of happiness?

It's official. This week marks week 1 of the great weight loss adventure! I've been copying recipes out of "Hungry Girl" & counting calories and water in take like a mad woman. I spent an hour in the kitchen cutting up vegetables to stuff in mason jars; this way, they are on hand, already prepped and ready for snacking or cooking. Along with all of this came a shocking surprise: Last night, after preparing a salad and sitting down to eat, my husband voiced a comment that made my heart happy; He said, "This is really good. Ya' know, I'm actually excited about this whole weight loss thing. Hungry Girl feeds hungry guys too!". I swear I about had a heart attack! Never in my life did I expect to hear him utter anything close to those words. And for him to actually LIKE the food I've been preparing?! Just....WOW. It was a total confidence booster. Nothing quite like having a true partner on board for the whole weight loss thing!

That's the good news. The bad? I haven't been sleeping, so there hasn't been any exercise in my life this week, like there should be. I'm so exhausted you guys! Even taking my ambien hasn't helped! I don't know what's going on with this! Maybe I just need to force my body into a state of over exhaustion and just stay up for 24 hours so that I pass out tomorrow? I don't know what to do!!!

To Be Good or...

To be greedy? A good wife should share with her husband, right? ...But I don't want to! Let me explain; last weekend, an electrical storm struck base (Pun not intended). Because the outlets in base housing are not grounded (A fact that we didn't know), our surge protector took one heck of a hit; Xbox, router, modem and my husbands laptop power supply all ended up fried. After replacing the router (A whopping 120$), we just don't have the money to replace James's power supply. So naturally, he wants to share my computer. He gets two hours, I get two hours. Now, I'm sure this sounds reasonable. Except...I'm using my computer and don't much feel like giving it up just because he wants to play a video game (We're competing to see who levels faster and generally does better). It's not my fault his power supply got fried (He never unplugs his computer), so why should I take a chunk of what I view as punishment just so he can enjoy himself? Am I not allowed to have fun too?

Naturally, my husband is sulking...And it's actually making me pretty mad, to be honest. The more childish he acts, the less inclined I am to share with him. I suppose I should let the little baby have his turn, just to pacify him, but I also give up things I want/need so that he can get his R/C helicopters, fireworks, etc. He buys new clothes, I go to the Airmans attic and look for free stuff....But I digress (again). I'm being greedy and selfish. I know it's wrong but goodness...It's like he expects me to just roll over and let him take my computer from me.

A Shocking Development

Last night was the first evening I've cooked dinner in a few weeks (-_- I fail so hard at being a house wife sometimes) what with being on vacation and having little to no motivation. Yesterday was ALSO the first official day of my new diet. So I decided to crack open a "Hungry Girl" cookbook and set to work...

And you know what? The meal turned out REALLY well. Like...I wanted to make it again today. What I made was the "Cheesy Burger Skillet", except I ended up replacing the meatless burger with turkey burger, because our commissary isn't too well stocked on healthy options (and they wonder why their soldiers are overweight...). The meal was a whopping 439 calories. That's right. Less than 500 calories. I had enough leftover to go and eat ice cream! YAY!

Today is another day, though, and I find myself struggling. I'm so hungry...I want to eat everything, and sadly there isn't much in the house that won't put me over my calorie allotment. I need NOMS. >_<

Back =)

It's so weird....I feel like my personality has done a bit of a 180 since vacation. I'm happy...HAPPY. That's so freakin' weird for me to be able to say. Without the help of medications, I actually feel BETTER. I really hope this isn't just an episode....that it lasts =)

Tuesday, I attended a pre-diabetes clinic. The instructors and group were all very nice; almost everyone has some serious age on me though! As of now, I'm on a 1200 calorie diet to see if I can't get some of this weight off. I'm five foot six and 172 pounds.... (  .  )    ) . (   I'm going to start trying to cook more, so there are bound to be more recipes here soon!

In other news, the husband and I were able to purchase a California King pillow top mattress, waterproof pillowtop cover, bed frame and boxspring for right at 500$. The bed is less than 2 1/2 years old. It's AMAZING. SO big and comfy. It's so easy to fall asleep!

=D Time for me to get off here (for now). I need to tidy the house then wake the husband up and take him back to work. I've got therapy today...and I'm probably in a bit of trouble because I didn't do any of my homework....O_0 Whoops.

Well I'll Be!

A few days ago, my husband and I returned to our hometown on vacation. And we've discovered that instead of playing different games...we enjoy playing the same one. And now we have something to do together and another topic to openly discuss =)

You want to WHAT?! (F-bombs and anger)

Welp, my give a damn is pretty fully broken at the moment. My husband came home and decided to ask me if he could have a guys day and go to Bush Gardens. I said no, he kept arguing. Sure, the tickets are free, but the food and drink isn't. Neither is the gas. And it's a GROUP outing, not just a 'guys night'. Nah babe, fuck you, thanks for the invite! I can't go, because we have two dogs that can't be kept in their crates all day, and because I'm about to be pissing blood (Sorry...that was graphic) due to being menstrual female. Pissed off and highly offended (He tried to buy me off by offering to get me my camera...which we can't fucking afford), I decided to just go crawl back into the bed. 10 minutes later, he comes up and says "I don't want to go without you...", tells me he loves me and asks for a kiss. No. If he 'didn't want to go without me' he wouldn't have asked in the fucking first place. And right now I'm so mad that the word love isn't in my vocabulary. He's got me so mad that I can't stand it. I just want to break stuff and cry. I've never been so butt-hurt. What on earth was he thinking?! Nah, it's fine. He can go and have fun with a group of our friends and I'll just fucking stay at home all day. Not like we needed to save the money because we're A) Going home to NC next week and B) Closing in on our 1 year anniversary. Nah, it's ALL fine. It's okay to do stuff/buy things when he wants to, but every time I want something, I've got to wait, save up for it or flat out just get told no. I'm done trying to have control today, I'm just going to let the BPD own me and that's all there is to it. I TRIED to get myself back to a good place and he just came along and dunked all over my efforts. FUCK that.

Weeee!

So...it's one of those mornings where I'm finding it very difficult to bounce back from a depressed state of mind. I have no reason to be upset (Other than the fact that my camera broke yesterday and I can't afford a replacement). My husband took me out to an amazing restaurant last night (Ted's Montana Grill); We had an amazing meal and ended up laughing a lot. But for some reason, I'm in a deep blue funk today and can't seem to get myself feeling better. I've got my DBT skills book beside me and homework from the therapist to do, but along with the depression comes the inability to focus on much of anything. AAAAAAAAAAAA! I feel like screaming and ripping my hair out!

Just...What?

Life is really enjoying slinging curve balls at me. I've been pretty unstable as far as BPD episodes go over the past few days, and then i get a call last night from home (Oh joy...) that my cousins have been taken away from their parents because...dundundun...their parents have been arrested. I won't go in to the long list of charges (Oh yea, it's that bad). Now, my 14 year old cousin is posting all over facebook about it, begging for money (Her dads bond is 100,000, her moms is 25,000) and putting up their mugshots. Oh dear lord. What a mess. No one knows who is going to get custody of the kids (I'm voting foster care, because that would be the BEST option), and my Grandparents are so stressed out that it's making them ill.

So...that's bad news, three weeks in a row. The good news? Today was my husbands re-enlistment. He was able to have the ceremony in front of the 'first-heli' squadron, in their hanger. And then...cake. Nom! That's six more years of military life! And, because my camera broke, my husband made a deal with me; I can have a new camera, if he can get a new quad-copter. Woot! Now I just need to decide what camera to get...

That's pretty much all I have to talk about right now as far as personal life goes...Hm...I feel like I didn't say very much at all!

Just...Blah.

Let's play a guessing game. You've only got one chance! Who's house is still a mess? With laundry still undone? And dishes in the sink? Bathrooms uncleaned? Me? Good guess, and very much the right answer! I haven't been doing very much, because my husband moved a friend in (temporarily). Well, that's my excuse, at least. The honest answer is that I haven't much cared to even attempt cleaning, due to two episodes back to back this weekend. Heck, might as well be honest; one BIG episode that lasted more than 24 hours (that's going to be fun to address in therapy).

So...how about I give you a bit of what caused the little...episode. Friday night, I went out with my husband and several amazing friends. Drank more than I had in several months. And I had fun (for the most part). Then Saturday rolled around, lolling it's ugly head. The day of the 'housewarming party' for...well, to be honest I don't know what to call her. She's not really a friend, and I'm not too fond of her....an acquaintance. That's what she is. The girl is blonde, a bit chunky and about as deep as a bird bath. But I digress (not to mention the fact that I'm being pointlessly mean on the internet...). Where was I? Oh. Yes! The housewarming...party. I'm SO freakin' pea-green with envy that I'm quite certain to be the same color as the Hulk! AGH! They were able to get one of the new, beautiful house's on base and they've put so much stuff in it! It looks amazing and I'm so MAD! And that's how I react to jealousy. With anger. Because A) She didn't have to date her husband for five years before they got married (they dated for six months...) B) They have two vehicles C)Beautiful house and beautiful stuff. My own house (not too far from theirs, actually) is full of shitty furniture, mostly second hand. And it's filthy and falling apart.

Due to my own bitter heart, and NOT putting my DBT skills to use, I had a breakdown. I WAS able to realize it was coming and even voiced to my husband that I knew I was about to lose it....and yet I still just sat there, slipping further and further until the rope that binds me to my sanity snapped. And it took more than 24 hours for me to get myself back in check. Today will be better than yesterday. I will get things done today. To anyone out there with BPD who reads this: Do the DBT skills work for you? Your list of happy things to do when you start slipping? Because I'm having a really hard time with it....

I feel so guilty right now. I wanted to be the trophy wife. I wanted to move up here and have a pin-neat house all the time, cook amazing meals for my husband constantly and make him happy. I'm so far off par that it hurts to look at my failure. Woo.

It's taken me long enough...

But I'm finally starting to feel real. 21 years old and just starting that whole 'self-discovery' thing. Part of my diagnosis with BPD is lacking the knowledge of self, and feeling rather unworthy. And I'm combating that, finally, after several months of treatment.

Swollen Eyes

It's been...a rough night.  It's been a tough week. I received a call from last week stating that my Great Aunt (to whom I was pretty close) has passed away, and that the Rottweiler I'd left behind with my family was residing at the vets kennels due to having unmanageable pain in his back legs. Yesterday, my step-father called me and asked to speak to my husband. Right there, the re-flags went up, waving madly. I knew before it was even said. They are putting my dog down. My sweet, goofy faced best friend who I cried over time and again because I missed him so much. And now I get to miss him forever. Needless to say...my heart hurts. Literal chest pain. My eyes are swollen from all the crying. And I have therapy at 9 am. All I want to do is curl up and cry, cry, cry. I wouldn't even own my two German Shepherds if I just could have had Dozer. I fully think the only reason I slept last night is because I was drugged. I took my ambien and when it hit....it hit hard. I went under pretty fast. I'm sitting here nursing a bottle of water and a caffeinated trail mix...

Here is to my baby...and his sweet smiling face. For letting me cry into his fur when I couldn't take James being deployed...for keeping me company at night for years...And for just being the best damn dog. 

Retail Therapy

As young newly weds, the concept of budgeting is pretty foreign to both my husband and myself.I've never been good with money...mostly because I'm impulsive! Anyway, we HAVE started to be a bit more frugal. The bills come out automatically, but everything else we pay for in cash and we've limited ourselves to 50$ per person 'fun money'. Said fun money can be spent on snacks, movies, games, clothes, etc. Anything that isn't really a need (This includes fastfood...). Today was pay day, so I withdrew my chunk of fun money and the grocery cash...and went to the thrift store. They didn't really have anything of interest, so I got back in the car (nothing like driving that car, I swear...I love it!) and went over to a different store...and saw that a lot of the camelbak (CamelBak Women's Aurora 70 oz. Hydration Pack - Imperial Purple, Camelbak .6 L Eddy Bottle - Dusty Rose) products were on sale. So...I ended up spending all but two dollars of my money. I am now the proud owner of these two products!

As a quick little review on the bottle (Because I haven't used the reservoir yet), I'd just like to say....Not really liking the whole straw thing at the moment =\ I'm so use to tipping my head back when I drink...and you can see what that might pose a problem...lol! The design is also a little heavy. It set me back a little over 11$ and overall I'm pretty happy with the 750ml bottle =) I sorta want to fill the reservoir and go for a bike ride...but I think I'll stick to home for a few!

Update: Another flaw with the bottle; because it's a stiff straw, you can't get all the water out of the bottle...LOL

Whoops!

So I already slipped up! My bad! I made dinner last night and then...didn't eat it. I actually...didn't have dinner at all, now that I think about it. And haven't had breakfast yet. Okay, I need to get food asap, that's my next goal. Anyway! Dinner for James (my husband), Nathan (husbands friend) and Joel (Also my husbands friend, who just returned from a canceled deployment) was:

Two pounds of chicken,
1 1/4 cup uncooked long grain white rice
1 cup water
2 cups salsa
2 cans campbells nacho cheese soup

All I did was throw everything together in the crock-pot, (Crock Pot SCCPBP600S 6-Quart Oval Programmable Slow Cooker Stainless) mix it together really well and let it go for about 8 hours. Supposedly, it turned out really well (they ate the mix in tortillas). And I'll take their word for it =)

So, someone may be thinking "Why are you starving yourself?" "That's self harm"...I'm not doing it on purpose, I swear! I just wasn't hungry at dinner time, and knew that bit of food wouldn't feed four people, so I let the guys, who'd worked all day, have the food. And I was busy talking to ma Mama on the phone anyway!! I do wish I'd gotten a picture of the noms though to post...=\ Oh well!

It's alright to just be "okay"

Well, I lost my battle today, but not the war! I had a mini-manic episode where I threw shoes and my husbands hat around, snarling and huffing out the harshest argument I could come up with. The entire thing started over his double-standards when it comes to our budget. Instead of my usual, several hours long break-down, today it was condensed into a 45 minute burst of anger. It stopped when my husband went upstairs, crawling into the bed for a nap...and I ended up crawling into his arms for an hour. Afterwards, I did the sensible, yet selfish, thing; instead of letting him 'win', I dug out my spare change, went to the bank, got my money and spent it on myself. That's right. I was selfish for once and I love myself all the more for it.

I digress (just a little); for therapy, I was asked to come up with a 'happy list'. Things to do that help me avoid manic or depressive states. On this list, Subway is pretty high up there, because I can eat it and feel very little guilt about what I'm putting in my body. So I wanted to go treat myself today..

All of this, though, is okay. I remembered my wonderful DBT skills (Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder By Linehan, Marsha M.), got myself into a better state of mind, and now I'm going to finish out my day. I plan on running to the store to pick up some tanning lotion, shave me legs and then go on to the pool and lay out in the sun until the hubs joins me after work for a quick swim before dinner!

P.S. To ANYONE reading this who has been diagnosed with BPD(Borderline Personality Disorder for Dummies By Elliott, Charles H./ Smith, Laura L., Ph.D.), always remember one key thing: Just because you feel those strong emotions doesn't mean you have to act on them =) I know it's hard...and I failed a little today, but that's alright! One day at a time. Just. One. Never more than that!

Plan of Attack

Surprisingly, it was an 'early' morning for me. Instead of rolling out of the bed at 11pm, I was up with my husband at around 6, making a mad dash to go pick a friend up from the airport (his deployment was CANCELED!!! =D ). Now I'm starting to feel a bit of that funk that comes along around this time every day. So to combat the blues and hopefully avoid becoming manic, I've already started preparing dinner for tonight (A crock-pot recipe). After I clean up the prep-work mess, I'd LIKE to have Subway (But I know the husband won't allow that =/) so I'll probably end up making something to nom.

Om Nom Noms #2

 I bring to you....tonight's dinner! Pizza quesadillas! I selected relatively cheap product to make this meal, mostly because I needed to stay under a 95$ budget for the week. As you can see, there is very little required to make this meal =)

 Step one: >>>Take a tortilla and lightly (I went a bit heavy handed...) cover it in marina sauce. Nothing special needed!

 <<<<Step two: CHEESE! Mozzarella was my cheese of choice, but feel free to use whatever kind you want! I strongly suggest shredded cheese, because I feel like it melts better...

 Step Three:>>> Pepperoni! yum yum!

 <<<<Step four: Add the top, lightly sauced tortilla!

Step five:>>> Cook! I used my little grill on medium heat. Note: If you over sauce, it WILL leak out and it WILL sling up on to you just like bacon grease!

 <<<This is the finished product...I was too impatient to eat to let the tortilla crisp up =\ But they still turned out great! Once again, I was shocked to have another kitchen success!

Addition: Heat up a little extra marina sauce for dipping =)

Yuck

So today I wanted to share this with you. See that disaster? That is all the laundry that I've left un-done for the past several weeks. My 'give-a-damn' was jammed in the off position, but with some help from both my husband and my therapist, I've managed to switch it back on. So today I'm going to spend the day curled up on the couch, watching Doctor Who between loads of ...that...evil mess.

I'd also like to inform the general reading public that I finally had a manic-break down this morning after not being able to fall asleep. 48 hours of being awake sorta sucks and I finally lost my temper and started punching the wall. It took a good 45 minutes for me to reign myself back in. And of course my being awake a fussy effected the hubs..my noise, tossing and turning and general bad mood woke him. And in the end, karma bit my in the rump; Something, and I'm almost certain it was my birth-control, made me sick to my stomach. I'll just say...that I ended up hugging the toilet and leave it at that. Anyway, I ended up falling asleep AFTER James left for work, and not getting out of the bed until he came back on lunch-break. Ugh. Now I'm up, on my feet and feeling much better!

Om nom nom!

Tonight's dinner was one of those 'just wing it' meals where I try my hand at randomly throwing something together rather than following a recipe. This is only the third time I've cooked in three months (From lack of motivation/being manic). Tyson individually packaged (frozen) chicken breasts, thawed (of course) and simmered in a butter/milk base, with a mix of black pepper, cajun seasoning, hot shot, ground mustard, garlic powder and onion powder thrown on (eyeballed out of a teaspoon for each one). Fears of it being over-powering were squashed upon my husbands first bite. It is anything but bland, though! I must confess that I cheated with the green beans; they came out of a microwaveable steamer bad (after being cooked) and were added into the pot with the blackeyed peas and a bullion cube. Little under 40 minutes for total cook time (I cooked the chicken slowly) and less than five minutes for it to vanish from the plates.

Beware of time jumps and randomness...

Because this post is going to be full of them. It's going to be VERY disjointed...and I'm sorry for that.

It's around 3:09 pm...and I'm back at the computer. Yet again, I found myself on facebook, going over everything that had been posted over the last little bit of time. And during my little jaunt onto my favorite social-networking site, I decided to update my status. In the densely worded update, I informed my 160 friends/family that I'm currently feeling guilty over not having a job, and that I wish to become employed again. The cold hard fact though is that I will be unsuccessful; I need a part-time employer that is willing to work around my hectic therapy schedule. I'm currently on suicide-watch (No shutting myself in the bathroom, therapy every week, having to be medicated by my husband because I can't be trusted with pills) and that makes this even harder. I'm starting to stress as we speak and my mood is taking a nose dive. Luckily, with the skills I've been learning in therapy, I haven't yet reached a manic state, nor have I lost control and started bawling/self-harming. I WISH I could find a job that would allow me to work from home. That..in itself, would be the most ideal. AAAAAAA! I feel like ripping my hair out. And the thing is...I don't HAVE to work. My husband would like for me to get a job, and it would help a great deal, but his pay supports us very easily. And I'd only be working for a year (My husband and I plan on having a baby next year, and I'll be a stay at home mom). 

Now that I've sat here and vented, I think it's time I get back to cleaning...I haven't even finished tidying up, let alone starting the laundry. It's going to be a LONG night for me. I'm sure to work on this post again later, perhaps after dinner or if/when I start losing control. 

3:33 pm...Guess what? I told you I was going to leave my computer, and I haven't. Yeesh! I've started looking up "AdSense" and whatnot, and I'm seriously thinking about using it (Eventually). I'm also sitting here gazing at one of the cutest faces in the world (Xaphan, who is flopped at my feet, napping the day away). 

The Time Gap!

It's been quite a while since the last time I posted here. A few months, actually. And I'd fill you in RIGHT NOW on everything that has been going on, but that would take quite a while, and I'd have nothing to write about later!

 I started a Wordpress blog yesterday, and after a bit of research, I've decided it was more worth my time to come back to blogspot, so here I am, sitting at my kitchen table, writing for the rest of the world to see! My goal is to now write everyday, even multiple times a day to touch base on my day to day life, recipes that I've prepared (reviews on said noms and pictures), and...other stuff. Yea. Other stuff.

Anyway, here are a few things I feel like you need to know: We now have a second fur-baby: Another German Shepherd by the name of Xaphan. He is five months old, and our sweet Leia is now 9 months old. Also, I've been going to therapy...so you'll be hearing a lot about that and the things that I learn while in 'treatment'. I'm also going to try and post a little about fitness, nutrition and the things I learn while trying to undergo some major weightloss and a life-transition.

Oh my!

It's been a while since I've posted...so...
Hello again! It's officially 2012! January second marked five years since my husband and I became a couple!

My New Years resolutions are: 1. Lose weight & get in shape 2. Train the puppy! 3. Seek help for mental health 4. Take better care of the house 5. Learn how to cook 6. Be a better wife. 7. Attempt to start college courses!

=) I have a pretty decent trip home to North Carolina...Christmas was great, and so was New Years, but in all honesty....for as much as I didn't want to leave my home town...I'm sorta happy to be back in my own house in Maryland. I still have un-packing and cleaning to do, so I suppose I should get my rump out of the computer chair!